Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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