Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
