new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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