Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
