Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
