He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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