I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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