this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
In America we eat man semen.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
