My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize