I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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