Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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