Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
