2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
