I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
