Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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