Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
