those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize