i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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