Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
