I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i came on her dog
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
