so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
