She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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