We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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