I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize