you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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