Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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