Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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