my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
