you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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