They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
false alarm, still single
Randomize
