my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
