so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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