Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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