i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
