You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
