someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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