I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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