Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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