And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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