I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
