At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
