So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
