Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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