Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
