When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
