life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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