If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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