I feel great
I just peed on a car
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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