If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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