Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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