Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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