no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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