He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
