guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
