is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
