dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
