I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
worst night to have a conscience
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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