i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
