I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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