We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
