I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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