hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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