Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I could make wine with my vomit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
