Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
