you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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