I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
