Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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